An Attitude of Gratitude

Today's Question: What moments can you recall when you felt a deep sense of gratitude? Did it give you a longing for Someone to thank?

This one of those tricky questions. As I start to ponder thankfulness, I start with the obvious, like the birth of my children and grandchildren, the adoption of my Chinese daughters, the provision God has made for me each day. Here's the tricky part. As I begin to stretch, it's hard to find one single thing or person in my life that I am not thankful for. My grandmother Katherine who instilled in me a love of music. My brother Willie who for 65 years has been my big brother with all the emotional stability that brings. My dad Arthur who showed me the reality of how Christ can change a life. My mom, Jane, who instilled in me the pursuit of ideas and worth of writing. My dad's second wife Doris who cared for and loved my dad and family for almost half of his 93 years. My wife, my friend. My animals, all forty-one of them. Shall I go on?

What about all the misfortune that's come my way? My mistakes? My blunders? My failures? Yes, I've learned that I need to be thankful for those as well because, as trite as it sounds, they build character and perseverance. I've learned that if I am experiencing pray-er's block, I can start thanking Him. For my daily bread. For breath. For love.

When my daughter Sarah was about four, she learned a song If I Were a Butterfly. The chorus went like this:

You gave me a heart, 

You gave me a smile,

You gave me Christ Jesus and You made me Your child, 

But I just thank you, Father, for making me me.

So I just thank you, Father, for making me me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_7Q4erjsOM

I'm a Whi-i-i-ner

Today's question: Are there ways of weaving prayer into your life that you have found particularly satisfying in the past?

Today's note: We can invite God into our lives and ourselves into God's. When we do that, putting ourselves on a personal footing with God, so to speak, relationship heats up and a potential for extraordinary friendship stirs to life. For God is a Person, too, and though a person unlike ourselves, One who surely fulfills more of what that word means, not less.

I am beginning to think I sound like a whiner. Anyone remember the bit on Saturday Night Live called the Whiners. "I'm a Whi-i-i-ner."
http://www.hulu.com/watch/275071/saturday-night-live-the-whiners-at-snl


What does the question mean by "satisfying?" Satisfying to whom? To me? To Him? On the human level, how could anything I do be satisfying to God. On the spiritual level, He is "delighted" with me with or without prayer. The question must mean satisfying to me. So the answer is No, I have never found a consistent way to pray that has satisfied me. I always feel tongue-tied, even in private. If words begin to come, the thoughts don't. I've used the alphabet before, heading down A, B, C, praying for people with last names starting A, B, C but I would rarely get to D before succumbing to other thoughts or real distractions. I've tried to "pray without ceasing," but then I stop. I heard someone preach on that verse before saying to maintain an "attitude of prayer" or a consciousness of God's closeness. But when Jesus asked his disciples to pray, I don't think he meant maintain an attitude of prayer. Then there are the so-called prayer warriors. Talk about feeling inadequate. Attend a prayer meeting with prayer warriors.

To learn more about myself and prayer is the reason I am writing this. I hope by writing words down I might come to a better understanding of prayer. I hope God hears my written words as well as my spoken ones.

Then there's the subject of God as a person. When Jesus walked on this planet, I understand that he was a person, in that he was human, a God-man. In evangelical circles it follows that a person needs a "personal relationship" with Jesus. I understand that Jesus died for my sins and that as the son of God, he and he alone could have done that. He is God, he is spirit and truth, the word of God, light, and in Christ all the atoms and subatomic particles in the universe are held together. "God in three persons, blessed Trinity," goes the old song. Why am I having so much trouble getting this. Maybe that's also why personal prayer seems sometimes odd and strange to me. I am talking to the One who created the wind.
Numbers 23:9
God is not human, that he should lie,
   not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
   Does he promise and not fulfill?

Writer's Block

Romans 8:26-27--New International Version (NIV)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Today's Question: Have I faced confusing situations where I did not know how or what to pray?

Answer: Yesterday, today and tomorrow

Most writers I've known and many I've read report a common condition. Writer's block, where even the threat of a pending deadline does not unlock the flow of words to the written page. I'm sure many people face "prayer's block" as well, but Romans tells us not to worry, that the God who has mined the depths of our hearts will share His mind and offer in sounds unintelligible and inaudible to anyone else the exact right prayer that fits securely in the center of God's will. The right prayer at the right time in the right way. Could we ask for anything more?

To me, it's always been intriguing that the opposite of writer's block is something called inspiration. Inspired. Breathed into. Mouth-to-mouth. In college English class it was called poetic inspiration and writers would describe it as if the words were being written by someone else, that poetry flowed as easily as breathing in and out. In some cases the writer would report that in addition to the words, even the very ideas had been inspired. As if they had lost control. I've experienced something close to this as a song-writer. On some songs I've struggled for years, never finding the right words for the music or vice-verse. Then on those few occasions, the song has come fast and furiously as being born on the wings of wind, words and song from somewhere else but channeled through my mind to the page. It's awesome. Truly. Fun. Freeing. To quote the old chief from Little Big Man, "My heart soars like a hawk!"

Occasionally, a prayer will come the same way, with a life of its own, and even though the words are floating across my mind, they seem inspired by Someone else. It's awesome. Fun. Freeing.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for those times. The rest of the time, I welcome your groans.

Desiring God

I just watched a segment on the Today show that used the terms "Mama's Boy" and "Daddy's Girl". The commentator said the first one implied weakness and dependence while the other implied strength and opportunity. In our culture our God in heaven is mostly thought of as this huge father figure, with power and awesomeness, being able both to forgive and to judge. We think of Him less as a mother. But at least for me, that's what I seek from Him, a mother's love. The comfort of being able to crawl into His arms after making a huge mistake and know that, as tears are wiped away, that everything is going to be all right, that as I face an uncertain future, He will be there no matter what. My mom died when I was in my early 20s and I was in a period of rebellion at the time. One of the last things she said to me was "Why don't you cut your hair?" It wasn't really a question and at that point, I felt judgment. But I knew based on my experience of those prior 20 years, she loved me anyway and that as sick as she was, nothing would ever separate me from her love. Weakness and dependence supposedly describe a "Mama's Boy." Heavenly Father, maker of all, I want to be your Mama's Boy.

Psalm 151

If I could write my own psalm about prayer...

"In Jesus' name" is so quickly tacked onto a prayer, sometimes all as one word, injezuzname, or highly syncopated "in JESus name." Like in Jesus' name is like some cosmic postage stamp without which no prayer will get past the ceiling.

I often feel so inadequate, my heavenly Father, when it comes to talking directly to You, especially in front of someone else. At the same time I can be so critical of others, I mean, when someone states the obvious like "Lord, you are so good," and yet You are so good. Or someone will pray with a formula as if it's said a certain way, You will be obligated to answer in some predetermined way. Yet You do act in a predetermined way, just not my way or any other human's way.

Your way. Yahweh. It's all about learning Your way. So much of what I do interferes with learning Your way.

But this name thing: hallowed be Your name. Holy is Your name. Your name is Wonderful, Marvelous, King of Glory, Immanuel, Lord, Jesus. And yet Your name was once unspoken, so majestic and mighty and beyond human wisdom that to utter it meant death. Yet Your name is who You are and You are close, inside, where language is unspoken, where words are not necessary. Lord, let me hear Your voice. Let me know Your name.

Expectations and Frustrations

I've learned from reading Philip Yancey that he rarely states things as purely black or white, so his first prayer journal suggestion does not surprise me. He suggests starting with my past experience with prayer, my expectations, even my frustrations, in essence establishing a benchmark as I pursue this journaling. I suppose, like many, I think prayer has let me down. As a child I learned to pray like many children "Now I lay me down to sleep," graduating to "Our Father who art in heaven" some time in elementary school. For me, real prayer started when the priest in our church ran off with another woman after counseling her through the convalescence and death of her husband. Father Mosher had left his wife and four children, and somehow I thought God would want to reverse this travesty. As one of the priest's acolytes I had witnessed the birth (figuratively) of three of his four children. What kind of priest would do this? What kind of man? I prayed fervently night after night that he would return to his family. Around the same time I prayed often that my dad would stop drinking. At that age I really expected that God was listening and that He would respond. These were cut-and-dried requests in my opinion. So as time went on, a divorce was granted and the priest moved to another state, his wife and family moved away and my dad continued to get drunk. I think I must have gone back to the Lord's prayer after that, which wasn't much different than the lifeless "grace" said around the dinner table on Sunday afternoons after church. Later, in college, I prayed often for "Jesus to come into my heart" because that's what had happened to my dad and he had quit alcohol right on the spot after 20 or 30 years of drinking. These prayers are something I need to explore more fully but suffice it to say, they did not work any better than the one to bring a father back to his wife and children. One night in my own drunkenness, I angrily told God that if Jesus wouldn't come into my heart, then I'd invite the devil in. And boy, did he ever...

Philip Yancey

When we lived in Colorado, we were fortunate to attend the same church as Philip Yancey, the acclaimed Christian writer. On a couple of occasions we were able to meet, share experiences and talk about life and spiritual living. Meeting him and knowing his physical voice has made reading his books more of a personal experience. When I read the pages of his books recounting an experience, I can hear his inflection, see the smirk on his face and read into it the subtleties of my personal knowledge of him. I appreciate him as a writer all the more.

Isn't that the way it should be with you, Lord, that when we read your Word we should see you face to face--to hear your intention, see the smirk on your face and understand the subtleties of my personal walk with you? In fact it should be better but I have to say that it's not. So, as of today, I have decided to apply a little personal discipline to that effort of knowing you better. Using the prayer journal "Keeping Company with God" as a guide, I am going to write my responses here for better or worse. I am not going to edit much, trying to keep the prayer thought flowing and in that way know you better. Thanks for giving me the life opportunity to meet Philip and know his voice. It will forever be in my head.