Hi, my name is Todd and I'm a blogaholic

I think I need to join Blogaholics Anonymous. I don't mean I'm addicted to blogging; I'm not and that's the problem. After four months of pretty consistent writing (as I had vowed to myself to do), I stopped. Instead of forcing myself to succumb to self-discipline as a writer, I conveniently placed the topical prayer journal on the shelf pretty much out of view where other books started being piled on top of it. The guilt, strong at first, began to subside after a few days but not the doubts. They remained.

Who's reading my blog anyway? Does anybody care? Aren't there millions of people out there in the blogosphere trying to satisfy their creative urges? I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a thousand times or more. What a dolt I am!

You know the drill.

I do the same thing with my music. I'll write a song and the first day I say, "That's not half bad." By the third or fourth day, it begins to sound like all the other songs I've ever written and I say, "Who are you kiddin'? You trying to be Bob Dylan?" A few days later if I haven't written it down or done a crude recording, I've already forgotten the words, the chords or the tune...or all three.

I do the same thing with my family. I'll handle one crisis like an episode of "Father Knows Best." I'll think, wow, after some 40 years of parenting, I'm finally getting this down. Then I handle the next one like Archie Bunker. "Ah, gees Edith!"

So a month ago I hit the wall writing about prayer. What can I say that has not been said about it? Sermons have been preached about it, books, tapes, study guides, text books too. Heck! (when was the last time you saw the word heck?) There are whole seminary courses about prayer.

Sometimes I hit the wall praying too. I give up. I shut down. I stop trying. I start talking to myself. I'm not very positive. I go on and on, thought after thought, sigh upon sigh. Then I wonder if God is listening. Then I ask Him if He is listening? God, can you hear me now?

Is He smart or what?